Sunday, April 28, 2013

Daring to Dream

What is my dream?


Reading You’re Made for a God-Sized Dream has had me discouraged.

I don’t have a dream.

When I was little I wanted to be a teacher and a mom. My secret dream was to be a dance teacher. I was a preKindergarten teacher almost eight years. I taught ballet for 5 years. I have been a mom for seven years (and counting!). I even teach ballet to my children. I feel like my dreams have been met and exceeded.

So what now?

This summer it will be six years ago I had this inkling of a dream. I wanted to homeschool my children. I had just stopped teaching and was excited to only have one student. I had just met a new friend/neighbor. She too wanted to homeschool but needed a lot of encouragement. I had this thought that if we did this together we could make it, we could live our dream of teaching our children. That dream rapidly grew into a group of moms doing this home education thing together. Having a co-op for preschoolers and their families. You see, most co-ops have a minimum age limit of first grade. Yet we were diligently schooling our young squishers. We were desperate for that community with other young families.

The past four years we have been cultivating this group. There is still growing to be had. There are still kinks to smooth. We still have dreams of helping others start similar groups. Because there are other families who are serious about homeschooling before elementary grades start. And they need community with other families.

I know this dream isn’t over but it has been met and now exceeded.

So what now?

Last night God whispered a long ago dream.
A dream Brad and I had together.
Before we were yet married.
A dream of refuge, safety, comfort and love.

I have an excitement to read You’re Made for a God-Sized Dream that I did not have, even yesterday afternoon.
This is our dream together, Brad and mine.

But what about me? Do I have a dream of my own?

Yesterday and today I attended (in)RL alongside 6,300 other women across the world.
I was (in)couraged big time. I was refreshed as I always am after spending time with friends. I was reminded of truth.

Last night Crystal Paine said the words my heart has never spoken out loud, “I need to be the friend to others that I (have) wanted myself.”

Today Sarah Markley discussed that hard question of repeating history if you had the opportunity. If she was given the chance would she make a different choice. Her answer: yes and no.

Being broken allows us to be reshaped. I think it is no coincidence that the bible references potters and clay over 30 times. The lump of clay on a potters wheel must be prepared before it can start to be shaped into a beautiful creation. Once the shaping starts the clay can have a mind of it’s own. As soon as the potter feels and sees that clay going all wonky the clay is smooshed and broken back down to a simple lump only to begin reshaping once more.

I was smooshed.
I was broken.
I was depressed.

But God did not leave me. He was right there holding me. Holding Brad. Holding my sweet babes. He brought us out of that depressed lump of clay. And he is sculpting me. He sees me as beautiful. He sees my whole life and all the beauty he has created me for, in this life.

Sarah’s words struck my heart.

I had just finished hearing Lisa Leonard’s story. Her InstaGram feed brings a smile to my face all week and her creativity inspires me to continue creating. But her words today encouraged me to continue sharing my story and to hold my head high.

I have depression in my life. But my depression does not identify me. This part of my life happened. I will not be ashamed for my experiences. I will use them to help others. Maybe I too can change the world one conversation at a time.

Do I have a dream of my own?
Is it intertwined with my other dreams?
Isn’t that how God works? Intertwining all of His creation together?

My dream is more than I can explain.
It is bigger than me.
It is helping others.
It is creativity.
It is love.
All those things and more placed in my heart by my God.

As I sit here watching the clock creep closer to the moment when one of my little squishers will start stirring for the day I see God’s dream for me begin to make sense. I know I only see a small part. I know it will grow. I know it will be hard. I know it will be scary. I know it will be worth following.

Do you have a dream? Don’t keep it to yourself. Share it. Once it is shared it becomes real. Once it is real it can become all God has intended for you and your dream.

Andi and Brad have been married since 2002. They have five squishers who keep them on their toes. She is a second generation home educator. In her spare time Andi creates and sells handmade goodies in her shop, Andi Gould Designs.


  1. This is just beautiful. I so often need the reminder that we are each His lump of clay--His project, His dream shaping us into something even more beautiful. He sees it. And I pray we continue to seek His truth and believe even more, in the good He has. I love how you are leaning in hard, letting yourself fall into His arms, trusting Him. So thankful to have found you in the (in)courage link up today and have been encouraged by your lovely heart, sister. Bless you and this dream you and your husband have, with Him!

  2. Goosebumps!!!!!!!!!
    Oh, girl...I want to hug your neck again. The beauty of darkness is the contrast it sets against the light & when you've lived through both, you can share both those who are going through it and those who have never seen it. I want to hear more about this dream. Tuesday!!! ;)

  3. Wow! Great post! I went for years wanting a "dream." I am interested in reading this book now. Thanks for adding yet another book to my pile. :)

  4. My sweet, sweet friend!! I thank God everyday for you and your heart!! I can't wait to support you on all of your up and coming God driven adventures! Dive in and don't look back you are going places girl friend!!


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